Satire

Assembly District 77 Files Missing Persons Report for Assemblyman Brian Maienschein

Local Man Missing, Last Seen in the Sac

Last week, the 77th district here in San Diego filed a missing person report for Assemblyman Brian Maienschein. Seeing as Brian was last seen in Sacramento and hasn’t called or visited in weeks, the concerned constituents turned to the police to file a missing person report to hopefully find Maienschein.

In the missing persons report, the concerned constituents stated, “We are worried for him, he’s been acting differently ever since he turned Democrat all he wants to do is take union money and spend time in Sacramento away from us.”

Maienschein has still yet to be found, and authorities say he was last seen with far-left San Diego Assemblywoman Lorena Gonzalez, a new ally of Maienschein’s since he re-registered as a Democrat in January. Gonzalez was arrested a couple of weeks ago, and authorities caution anyone from approaching the two if seen.

(Lorena Gonzalez: Union Rep.)

To address the situation, the district’s constituents have decided to replace Maienschein instead of continuing to look for him. They have chosen to back a new leader who won’t go missing: June Cutter.